Having just watched the entire run of the first series of Carnival Row, I can only say – when’s the next one?
Set in an alternative world more sinister and brutal than Lyra’s in His Dark Materials, this is most definitely a fable for grown-ups.
We discover here a well-realised world in which Victorian-level technology intersects with the wonders and magic of the creatures of Tir Na Nog – a once-fabled realm of real pixies, centaurs and other mythological beasts – whose unspoiled natural homeland two rival empires battle to rule: The Iron Pact and the Burgh.
When the Burgh withdraws from the war, leaving Tir Na Nog in the hands of the even more brutal Iron Pact, refugees come flooding into The Burgh, leading to all kinds of unsettling developments which strain the already tearing fabric of Burgh society.
This, then, is the setting for a very real discussion of the nature of racism in the realm of faery and humans. The half-human half-ram race of “pucks” are essentially slaves in the Burgh, and all Fae, nicknamed Kritches, are despised by human society. But there are glimmers of civilization, and acceptance among a few – and one strand that even echoes Beauty and the Beast in a very much grittier setting.
The story is brilliantly unwound. At times a love story, at others a devastating commentary on populist politicians who seek to create chaos in order to provide themselves with opportunities for advancement, at others still a version of Ripper Street with fairies, and occasionally a commentary on inter-racial (inter-species!?) sex and relationships, the show is beautifully filmed.
Cara Delevingne has a powerful presence, and Orlando Bloom is expertly matched as the grizzled and hardened inspector seeking to track down a murderer who is killing Fae folk. The scripting is usually pitch perfect with very, very occasional lapses into predictable dialogue.
In all, it’s a steampunk dream with a very dark edge, splashed with power hunger, bigotry and the desperate need to find love and meaning in a world that before our eyes lurches further and further to the right. If this isn’t a fairytale for our dark times, I don’t know what is!
As a writer, I’m going through something of an adjustment at the moment. Something I never really factored into my experience as an author is happening to me.
To explain – some time ago I wrote a novel based in Portsmouth called The Snow Witch. I personally know it’s the best piece of fiction writing I’ve ever done. I wrote it in a particularly ethereal style, but made the characters and the town really gritty and real. Some I made deliberately enigmatic. This combination led to the book coming out in the genre of magical realism.
Magical realism is a fabulous genre. It mixes the allegorical, the real and the mystical into a quite addictive brew that plays with your sense of what is possible.
I knew I had done something right when people who read it approached me and told me how much they enjoyed it. Over and over again. I was selling my books off a market stall once, telling a prospective customer about it, when a previous buyer marched across to me having spotted me, their arm outstretched, stared at me intensely and pronounced: “That’s brilliant!” then marched off.
This is deeply gratifying.
But recently, an artist, Lucille Scott from Little Duck Forge approached me and asked me if she could run an art exhibition based on the book. This was again, deeply flattering. So, we are having an art exhibition in Cascades in autumn 2019 based on the book. 40 artists have signed up for it. It is quite extraordinary.
Then, another artist came to me, asking to make the book the centre of another arts project. This has become Cursed City – which tells another new story of Donitza Kravitch, the book’s eponymous witch – that takes place in Portsmouth, though social media, street art and live events.
Much of the original story takes place in The Model Village, Southsea. Last Thursday I went down there to meet up with local artist James Waterfield and Roy Hanney, who is the creator of this project. James is a great local artist, and he had been working on a secret project as part of Cursed City.
He had created two figurines to place in the Model Village both depicting characters from my book. I looked at them and had a moment of real dumbfoundedness. Basically, I was holding an action figure in my hand that was his conception of Donitza. Someone had made a whole new work of art based on my creation!
I’ve worked with artists before, but nothing – absolutely nothing like this has ever happened to me. It felt surreal. Like, a thing that I thought of had come to life, stepped into reality, independently of me. I didn’t know what to think.
The figurines of Donitza playing her violin and Reynold Lissitch pasting up street art are now safely installed in the village. And I feel like reality is shifting for me. That Donitza has escaped the pages of my book, and begun to take on a life of her own. And I am standing, watching her move and grow, and am bewildered.
Most historians agree the little Hampshire village of Portchester is the father of the city of Portsmouth, and was already an ancient settlement when Portsmouth was a muddy island with a few fishing and hunting communities scattered across it. Portchester’s Roman castle (the best preserved example north of the Alps) dates back to the 3rd Century, and was built as part of the Saxon Shore defences designed to protect Britain from marauding Saxon invaders. But even back then when Portus Adurni was new (as the Romans called Portchester Castle), the settlement at Portchester was already ancient.
we jump into the mysteries and legends of Portchester, let’s look at
what we know for sure about the village and castle, at the point it
emerges from the mists of myth into history.
– Heart of an Empire
man in command of Portchester Castle and the rest of the Saxon Shore
castles just after they were built in the 3rd Century was also the
commander of the Classis Britannica, the
Roman Fleet that protected the English Channel from pirates.
Carausius had started as a Belgian pilot and fighter, but proved so
effective as a leader of men that he rose through the ranks of the
fleet. A brilliant sea fighter, he had impressive success in quelling
Saxon and Frankish piracy in the English Channel, both in Gaul and
Britain and was given control of the fleet.
rumours soon began to circulate around Rome that Carausius often
would wait for Saxon pirates to make raids before he engaged with
them – thus enabling him to help himself to the treasure they had
stolen, and keep it for himself.
this was the gossip of jealous rivals or true, the effect was that in
286, Roman Emperor Diocletian sentenced Carausius to death. This
proved to be a tactical error, because Carausius was still in
Britain at the time. When Carausius heard he was being recalled to
Rome to meet his fate, he realised he had nothing to lose, declared
Britain a separate empire equal to Rome, and drove off Roman attacks.
in his independence behind his forts, Carausius set about creating a
rival state to Rome. He minted his own coins from high quality
bullion that he hoped would boost his credibility over his Roman
rivals and set about running an independent Britannia.
early version of Brexit came to an end after his betrayal in 293 by
his treasurer, Allectus, and Britain was once again taken back under
Roman Imperial control.
Carausius’s story is a pretty exciting early history… but there are many more myths and legends. They include bloodthirsty betrayals, murder, a giant, the Holy Grail… and even King Arthur himself!
The Myth of Ferrex and Perrex
chronicler and recorder of unreliable histories, Geoffrey of
Monmouth, wrote in his History Of The Kings Of Britain in the
1200s that the original British name for Portchester was Caer Peris.
He tells the following story as to how it got its name:
491 BCE, two brothers lived in terrible rivalry. They were the sons
of King Sisil “The Fox”, who founded the town of
Silchester, and was so successful a leader that he was declared
supreme chieftain of the area.
Though he had been a great
chieftain, he hadn’t been able to control the bitter rivalry between
his two sons Ferrex and Perrex, and after he died, they went to war
with each other to gain control of their father’s lands. Ferrex, his
mother’s favourite, was forced to retreat to Gaul by Perrex after a
fierce battle. When Ferrex raised an army and returned to fight his
brother, things went wrong for him again. This time, Perrex defeated
and slew his brother.
of Monmouth tells us Perrex set about founding the fortified town
where the Roman Portchester Castle would later stand, naming it Caer
Peris – that is, Perrex’s Castle.
is not the end of the story, however. Perrex’s mother, Idon, enraged
at the fate of her favourite son, stole into Perrex’s room while he
was asleep, and with the help of her maidens “cut him all in
is not a recommended model of motherhood.
mythical beginning to Portchester is told by a later historian, Stow,
who attributes the founding of Porchester to Gurguntus, the son of
Beline in the year 375 BCE. However, Stow also says the same thing
happened in Norwich with the same people in the same year – so it
might be that he got a little bit muddled.
much more is offered about this supposed founding of the
fortifications – however, it should be said there are many
archaeological remains dating back to the pre-Christian era in the
area. So, whether there’s any truth in these early myths or not,
there’s no doubt there was early settlement and the building of
defensive structures in the Portchester long before the Romans came.
Cymbeline and Pompey (or Cymbeline’s sons, anyway)
next mention Geoffrey of Monmouth makes of Caer Peris brings is to
the First Century, during the period the Romans were still quelling
the troublesome and rebellious Britons, after the Roman invasion in
the year 43.
account involves a young British king, Guiderius, the son of one king
Cunobelinus, otherwise known as Cymbeline to anyone who knows their
the death of Cymbeline,” writes Geoffrey, “the government
of Britain fell to Guiderius, his son. This prince refused to pay
tribute to the Romans, for which reason Claudius, Emperor of Rome,
marched against him.”
story goes that Hamo, the commander of the Roman forces made an
attack on Caer Peris, and “began to block up the gate with a
wall,” probably with the view of starving the inhabitants into
the fighting that followed, Hamo killed Guiderius.
However, this was not the end of the matter. Guiderius’s brother, Arviragus, mightily enraged, took command of the Britons. They fought so desperately under him that they drove the Romans back to their galleys.
more, this was not the end of the matter. Later, when the Britons had
departed, Claudius assaulted the fortification again, and this time
he took it for Rome.
rest, as they say, is history. Literally.
Arthur and the invasion of Portsmouth
ancient story about the defence of Portsmouth takes us fully into the
realms of Arthurian Romance.
of the early King Arthur stories date back to a time when Britain was
being invaded by Saxon tribes, just after the Romans had left
Britain’s shores as the Empire came under increasing attack at the
The reality or otherwise of King Arthur is hotly debated. Whether Arthur was an imaginary folk hero spoken about around British camp fires to keep up British morale hundreds of years later, a soldier in the battles that occurred between the Britons and the Saxons, a vestige of a sungod (the twelve battles he fights that push him further West, his death, disappearance in the west and subsequent promised return are an interesting echo of the twelve months of the year, sunset and sunrise) or something else, doesn’t really matter for this book. The stories that have been woven around this most enigmatic of figures who stands on the boundaries of history and mythology are as rich in story detail as he is elusive in fact. But what’s great about Arthur is the amazing amount of stories this figure has inspired.
From soldier, through war leader, to king and finally emperor of a vast land, the legends about Arthur are increasingly embellished by the romance writers of the Middle Ages. In fact, the first description of Arthur as “emperor” is found in connection with Portsmouth. It’s in a poem dedicated to the death of another Celtic hero of Welsh literature – Geraint mab Erbin, that is, Geraint son of Erbin.
was a popular figure associated with southwestern Britain and South
Wales in the late 6th century. He became most famous for an entirely
fictional romance written about him in Welsh called Geraint and
Enid, which mimics a similar 12th Century poem by French
mediaeval poet Chretien de Troyes.
Geraint had been around in literature long before this romance, and
older poems speak about him as a real person. Thus, the very much
earlier poem Geraint son of Erbin appears to be a true lament
for the death of a British hero, killed in battle.
location of the confrontation is given as Llongborth – meaning “haven
of ships”, which writers and historians have identified with
Langport in Somerset – or with Portsmouth harbour. The poem tells of
the slaying of Geraint, a Celtic prince, by the Saxons in the 6th
the ancient poem really be Portsmouth-related? Is there any other
evidence of a battle in the 6th Century in Portsmouth in which a
British hero was killed?
enough, the Anglo-Saxon Chronicles also contain a mention of the
invasion of Portsmouth for the year 501 , as follows:
and his two sons, Bieda and Mægla, came with two ships to Britain at
the place which is called Portsmouth. They soon landed, and slew on
this spot a young Briton of very high rank.
it possible that the poem Geraint mab Erbin actually tells of
the death of that same young prince mentioned in the Anglo-Saxon
Chronicles? And if Geraint a figure of myth was real, is it possible
there was an Arthur after all?
circumstantial evidence, but there are plenty who are convinced it’s
Burials and Brutal Deaths on Portsdown Hill
on the theme of slain ancient warriors, it’s worth noting that at the
top of Portsdown Hill as you head east toward the cutting where the
A3(M) now slices through the chalk cliffs at the Havant end, around
1816, a tantalising discovery was made by labourers. Local historian
Lake Allen tells the story in his 1817 History of Portsmouth:
Some labourers being employed in
quarrying chalk during the month of September last, accidentally
broke into a tumulus situated on the South side of the hill near the
telegraph. The form of it appeared to be a parallelogram, extending
East and West about 100 feet, in breadth about 20 feet, and in height
6 feet. In this tumulus or Barrow were discovered the remains of
twelve bodies, some placed in cists, others laid only on the surface
of the chalk, and covered by heaping the surrounding soil on them.
The skeleton that was last discovered occupied a grave distinct from
the others, but evidently too short for the stature of the person
interred; loose flags were placed on it, their ends resting on the
chalk. The radius and ulna were laid across the frame; the latter was
the only bone entire, and was rather shorter than that of a well
proportioned man. The occipital bone bore marks of petrifaction, and
at the juncture of the temporal with the parietal bone, on the right
side, was found inserted an iron head of a spear.
became of these relics I do not know. But is it possible that the
spearhead found in this body was none other than the one used by
Porta to slay Geraint mab Erbin? It’s too much of a coincidence,
surely..? And since we can’t examine the orginals, how can we ever
know? But a man in a tomb, killed by an iron spear, hurriedly buried
under loose flagstones by a vanquished army… is it too much of a
stretch of the imagination to at least wish it were true?
archaeological site with mythical connotations lies near the one
described by Lake Allen on Portsdown Hill. Again, heading east
toward the motorway bridge, in the fields north of the road is the
site of an ancient burial mound, Bevis’s Grave.
was a giant long barrow – around 88m by 25m long with ditches to
north and south. These days, it is largely buried, with only a part
of it rising about half a metre above the ground. Nevertheless, it is
actually about 4,500 to 5,500 years old. Part of an antler, probably
the remains of a pick, was excavated from the ditches, along with
sherds of late Neolithic and Bronze Age pottery.
fact, the whole area along the crest of Portsdown Hill is rich in
archaeological sites. Nearby is an area of early medieval burials,
including two Saxon burials and eighty Christian graves dating from
the 8th and 9th centuries. Who knew, as you take your dog for a walk
or drive down into Havant that you are surrounded by so many relics
of the deep, distant past?
back to Bevis. Who was he? And why is this his grave?
was a mediaeval knight from a Middle English romance called Sir
Bevis of Hampton from around
1324. (Those of my generation will understand when I say I
don’t believe that anywhere in the text is a mention of a companion
or squire called Sir Butthead.)
are the bare bones of the romance:
is the son of Guy, count of Hampton (aka Southampton). Guy’s young
wife, a daughter of the King of Scotland is unhappy in marriage and
asks a former lover, Devoun, Emperor of Germany, to kill her husband.
He happily sends an army to oblige and Guy is murdered in a forest.
Fearful that their ten-year-old son Bevis will seek revenge, she
decides that he, too, must die.
by a faithful tutor, the young Bevis is later sold to pirates. After
many adventures, Bevis ends up at the court of King Hermin, which is
situated either in Egypt or Armenia – the writer is a bit vague on
the details of where exactly. Bevis is involved in numerous
exploits, including the defeat of Ascapart, a legendary giant from
English folklore, and falls in love with the king’s daughter,
Josiane. The king then sends Bevis on a mission to deliver a sealed
letter to King Bradmond of Damascus. Bevis, not realising the letter
requests Bradmond to execute him duly delivers it. He is imprisoned,
escapes, finally wreaks vengeance on his stepfather and claims his
inheritance. However, he is then separated from Josiane, and both are
forced into false marriages, until in the end they are reunited at
would make a great movie.
there it is. Though the barrow’s original inhabitant is long
forgotten, a wonderful story has filled it with fresh life.
that is the nature of legends, after all.
Island – home of the Holy Grail?
we are looking at ancient mysteries and the Celts, let’s have a look
at another figure from the Roman era who some legends say came to
Britain. That is none other than Jesus Christ.
particular theory I stumbled over in an unusual pamphlet some time
ago comes from the pen of a now-deceased local writer called Victor
Pierce Jones. It puts forward the eccentric idea that the Holy Grail
was, or is, buried at Hayling Island. In his book Glastonbury Myth
or Southern Mystery, the author
seeks to prove that “Jesus travelled from the Holy Land as a
youth, lived on the south coast and was given a cup when he
departed”- a cup which Joseph of Arimathea brought back to
Britain after Christ’s death on the cross, “returning it to his
first disciples and friends” in no place other than Havant –
which is actually the “real site of Avalon”.
Further questions raised by the
author include: “Did Merlin live at My Lord’s Pond, on Hayling
Island? Did King Arthur find Excalibur at Havant? Was the Holy Grail
found by Benedictine monks and a Knight Templar on Hayling – and is
it still hidden there?”
Along the way, the author manages to
include many of the ancient sites already mentioned in this book and
some of its characters. King Arthur gets a look in, as does Bevis,
William the Conqueror and countless duplicitous Glastonbury monks.
Argued with a passion, it is quite joyous and, I personally think,
But that’s just me. The construction of
the argument is a work of art, and for seekers after mysteries, it’s
a slim volume with which you can fill your boots!
Ancient Ghost, A Countess Beheaded
are many ghost stories associated with Portsmouth and the surrounding
area. Here is one from Warblington to whet your appetite:
hundred years ago at Warblington, by the ever-moving waters of
Langstone Harbour once stood a magnificent castle, of which only a
few vestiges remain, and on whose ruins in the 18th century, a
farmhouse was built. In its heyday it was one of the chief
guesthouses of the Earls of Salisbury. The ghost that haunts the site
is that of the unhappy Margaret, Countess of Salisbury. She once
lived here in great state, dividing much of her time between
Warblington and Lordington Manor, near Racton, which was commissioned
by her husband Richard.
children included Cardinal Reginald Pole, who was the last Catholic
Archbishop of England during the period of the Reformation, in which
Henry came into direct conflict with Rome. Cardinal Pole was
unbending in his attitudes to Henry VIII and strongly criticised him
for his divorce from Catherine of Aragon. He also warned against his
marriage to Anne Boleyn. Sensing danger from the king’s growing
impatience and anger with him, Cardinal Pole went into exile in
France, where he finally denounced Henry to the other princes of
ruthless tyrant Henry VIII attempted an assassination of Pole, but
when this failed avenged himself by having Pole’s family arrested.
His mother, Margaret, Countess of Salisbury was imprisoned in the
Tower of London for two and a half years on trumped-up political
charges. She was finally beheaded at Tower Hill in 1541, the last
surviving issue from the direct male bloodline of the Plantagenet
kings of England. Only one family member survived, her son Geoffrey
Pole, who fled into exile in Europe. The Pole family was thus
completely destroyed as a dynasty by their spiteful and merciless
of Margaret’s execution tell of a grisly end.
On the morning
of 27 May 1541, in front of a crowd of 150 people, Lady Pole was led
to the scaffold where she was expected to say a few pious words and
submit to her fate. But the 67-year-old had no intention of going
quietly. She refused to kneel or lay her head on the block, and told
the executioner he would have to strike her head off where she stood.
Guards roughly took her resisting form to the block, where the
executioner raised his axe… and – thrown off his stroke by her
defiance – swung the blade and struck her in the shoulder.
agony, Lady Pole jumped up shrieking, gushing blood into her white
hair. The executioner chased her, wildly swinging his axe. It took
eleven bloody blows before she finally died. Legend in the Tower of
London says that on the anniversary of her death, her ghost is seen
in the night, her white hair streaming with blood from her many
wounds – forever pursued by her phantom executioner.
the destruction of the Pole family, the estate was forfeited to the
Crown, and a few years later, Thomas Cromwell had Warblington Castle
demolished. What was left of it then fell into decay and farmhouses
were built over part of it.
local story tells of a different sighting of a spirit at the site. It
says that the ghost of the beheaded and tragic Countess Margaret Pole
haunts the ruins, as she mourns the passing of her lost life and her
the mighty may fall!
Please note – There are many more ghost stories to come in the pages of this book, but first, let’s discover the Lost Lands around Portsmouth…
Am I actually glowing, or is that a
trick of the light? Is this really love? Really? I mean, what do I
actually know about it? She
laughs gleefully. – Except –
I’m in it!
Jo Parris stands ecstatic and naked
before a mirror, a sensation rising in her core as if someone has
reached down and benignly electrified her insides.
This is it all right. The
The early summer air is hot around her. Even at this time of day, when the shadows are cast on the ground by the red light of dawn, she feels so hot her skin might catch fire. Glorious morning light.
“I’m home,” she says in a whisper, stepping to her bedroom’s sash window, through whose mouth cooler morning air kisses her skin.
Sol, the old currant bun, Helios,
shaking out his
thinks, as he bounces a
shaft against a car window and lights her up: a young woman exultant
in a town where she only ever expected to feel marooned. She revels
in the spotlight, picked out by the sungod, radiance washing through
Love’s like catching fire. It
A passing gull dims the dazzle a
moment and she recollects the meeting scheduled for later that day. A
cloud of dismay dims her mood.
What will Aunt G say?
Her question to herself refers to her
secret (because, yes, I have
a secret!, she
tells herself excitedly).
Yet, today, even for
G and her disapproval she
feels indulgent – as if she might forgive her former attempts to
shape her life and lead it in the old woman’s preferred direction –
I don’t know why,
Jo puzzles to herself. – All
her weirdness… Over all these years… Fuck that! This time, it’s
He’s my secret. No
answers to prying questions, no breathless revelations about
Her gut agrees – a
compass-needle-north feeling that points to her resolve –
I’ll handle her. She
shakes off the thought and soaks
up the view from her first floor flat: green of common, leaves of
palms, elms neat-queued beside a path first laid for holidaymakers
when seaside was
a novelty of mass transportation. Distant: a low castle, built in the
time of one Henry or other. Beyond, unseen from her position, a blue
margin, whose saline presence fills her sinuses.
The sea, the sea.
She half-consciously registers it. Magic pool of life. Home of
possibilities. Bucking road to all compass points. All
life comes through this town she
hugs her arms to herself and lowers her giddy head, breathing it all
in as if she wants to contain the world, right here, right now.
Life is fucking ‘A’.
Movement behind her – snorted breath.
Pirouetting with dizzy delight to the source of her reverie, she
wonders, – is he waking up!?
Earlier, before slipping excitedly
from her bed, she lay for half an hour, transfixed, torn between
waking him and just watching. Beautiful
man. My secret.
Thus her excited turn about her
bedroom – a space once a Victorian family’s living room; now, where
once resided the primmery of Imperial life, her hot lover snores
abed. She draws him in through her eyes. Still
asleep, she registers,
hoping his dreams are hooking him to the surface – and if not,
they’re of her.
She stretches. Arms sideways, bracing
invisible pillars; arches her neck. Yawns.
him she is all herself. An innocent in the forest who looks up,
breathless at the world around her, and loves it for what it is,
knowing she is loved in return.
Maybe not actually innocent,
she thinks, because
he has been the source of seriously good sex from day one, – And
it only gets better – she
tells herself as she feels the full stretch.
Satisfactorily yawned out, she drops
her arms and relaxes her shoulders.
I hated it here,
she tells herself in wonder. Till
two weeks ago. Hated.
She rests her elbow on her navel and
plants chin on palm to think a moment. Considers The Shrine on the
chest of drawers – a little resident goddess standing immobile,
watching them both.
all changed with You,” she whispers to Her, half-playfully
reverent. The target of her gratitude is a carved figure in a
homemade leaf bower. A doll of exotic origin. The one she calls Her.
Jo feels the same pull she felt the
first day she found Her. Steps over to Her.
Imagines She is sentient – somehow watching the scene in the room.
Jo lifts Her. Near-religious tenderness. Eyes Her wooden face –
my breath is tremoring!? – As if magic will happen!?
Of course it does not, though a little bit of Jo thinks it could.
She holds Her a while longer, replaces Her on the chest of drawers, then walks back to the bed and looks down on the man she is in love – or at least in lust – with.
Still asleep. Breathing his dreams
through his mouth – can I get an idea of what they are? They smell
scents his sweat, too, the tang of last night’s sex. Jumbled
sensations flash through her mind – and she remembers: exhausted,
falling into black sleep together, winding around each others’
dreams, smell of fellow human, warmth of skin. This morning, her
brief and by now familiar flash of surprise and joy when waking to
find – Yes!
he is real.
She takes a breath as all these thoughts wash over her, reaching a conclusion as she stretches her arm to wake him –
As the retail ritual of closing up, bending down to secure the floor bolt then reaching up for the top bolt on the double doors of Knight and Lee was enacted for the last time at 5pm on July 13th 2019, a crowd of around 50 middle-aged, middle-class shoppers suddenly looked as if their spiritual heartland had been nuked.
The scene was made both more poignant and absurd as it came at the end of a set sung to the collected mourners by Rockchoir.com, which had included classics such as (ironically enough) I’m Still Standing, a mournful version of Only You and the spiritual hope of Hallejujah. It was (as it should have been) like a religious service in commemoration of a departed loved one.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m sad to see Knight and Lee go from Palmerston Road. Its stalwart service to the local community is well known. Its position in the corner of Palmerston Road and Clarendon Road, opposite the soon-to-close Debenhams that was once Handley’s Department Store together created a presence – a bit like the great statues in the Lord of the Rings as the Fellowship arrives in Gondor. These two shops did not announce to invading hordes “You shall not pass”, but were sentinels guarding a near-lost civilization called High Street Retail.
Yet the loss of this aspect of civilization at least in part lies at the feet of these very retailers.
Yes, Amazon most definitely enjoys an unfair advantage in cyberspace – not having to pay the same levels of staff, able to operate out of warehouses with considerably lower business rates, not needing to use expensive space to put items on display – and perhaps most importantly for Amazon, being able to avoid paying tax, and thus giving absolutely NOTHING back to local communities.
But Amazon’s advantage to one side, there is also a hard lesson retailers have failed to learn. That lesson is you can’t out-Amazon Amazon. You have to offer something different from what Amazon offers. And let’s face it, what DOES Amazon offer? The answer is stark – it offers cheapness and fast delivery with no fuss.
The High Street was never going to be able to compete on those terms of mass storage, immense ordering power and wafer-thin bottom lines that empower Amazon, and what it failed to do was change.
In a world in which more and more people are shopping online, we are equally seeing a world in which there is less and less face-to-face human interaction, and more and more isolation. Anxiety, societal dysfunction, depression, these are all symptoms of society no longer fitting together and functioning properly. That isolation has led to record levels of suicides. Human beings are social creatures. We may not acknowledge it, but we need people. The reality is, the chat in the Post Office or outside the butcher of the old days was as much a part of the shopping experience as the retail high shoppers used to get in the 1980s laden with designer goods on their ways home from Oxford Street – and probably still do at Westfield, Oxford Street, Gunwharf and other destination shopping complexes. But those are different creatures from the town High Street, that now needs to find its own model.
It’s no surprise that businesses that are thriving on the High Street are classically those businesses that focus on uplifting vibes.
Coffee houses where people meet, barbers, hairdressers and nail bars where people can chat – and charity shops where you can buy stuff you just can’t get anywhere else and which catch your eye and leave you feeling clever for being the one who snapped the bargain – all these have at their hearts the same thing: good feelings.
What retailers like Knight and Lee need to learn is that in a world which is increasingly global we need to offer locally those things the globalist offer can’t give.
That means face-to-face contact in a real location with real people. In fact, the answer to globalism is that old word localism – though I don’t mean it in the David Cameron context of Big Society or any other thing that has the initials B.S.
Portsmouth and Southsea are actually extremely well placed to offer that approach to locals and visitors alike.
We are, after all, fiercely proud of our local identity. I’ve often been told by visitors that Portsmouth has a sense of self in a way many other English towns don’t, whose High Streets have already been cloned into mini faceless shopping streets that are now on their last legs. To counter the bland flavours and products made in China that play the numbers game, making tiny profits per transaction from clone products that sell to billions, we in Portsmouth need to go the other way. To recognize our uniqueness and make that our selling point.
So, good luck to Knight and Lee and its staff. I am sorry to see you go. Let’s take our hats off to the service you provided. But now it’s time to start taking our lives back from the globalists who are shaping our lives. Not through silly nationalist notions, because globalisation isn’t going to go away – that’s just not a possibility unless you have in mind dismantling the internet and disinventing the jet engine – but by going local and making a celebration of who we are and our uniqueness – as a counterbalance to ever-present globalism – to thus give people the choice and the rounded experience they want and need as they go down to the marketplace.
Time to build community pride and offer world class products and experiences you can’t get elsewhere. We already have so many of them in Portsmouth. The Dockyard is an extraordinary world class experience. The Solent Forts are unique. Businesses such as the Portsmouth Distillery are offering something truly special. The Victorious Festival, the way we did D-Day 75 despite all that interference from Washington in the planning – these are the things we should be looking for to show the way. There are so many others – the list is very long of big and small, local businesses offering something special, right on our doorsteps. We do great things here, and they are uniquely ours and this is what we should be focusing on.
unlike on Amazon, people ain’t going to get THAT Pompey vibe anywhere
else. Our local identity – that is our greatest asset.
When someone won’t take no politely, what do you do? Earlier this year I had a conversation with a man on other business who said that he would like to hire me as a writer. That’s fine, I do that sort of thing, write things for people and help them express themselves. I’ve worked ghostwriting books and letters, edited emails, all sorts of things.
But this older man had an obsession, as I realised. He told me that he had been badly treated and, as he put it, wrongly accused of paedophilia, and had been beaten up by a social worker when he was at his lowest. It was a pretty shocking story, if it were true. And it had all happened, he told me, in Northern Ireland in the 1950s.
He wanted it written down for the world to see. At this point I became uneasy. I understand the terrible sense of grievance that can occur in someone when they don’t express themselves – but at the same time, what did he hope to achieve? Did he really think the world was interested in what happened to him when a young man? Did he really think he was going to go around accusing people in written form in order to feed a half-century-old grudge? And more importantly, did I want to be involved in this?
I worked to put him off at the time. I warned him that he would end up in the middle of libel actions if he published a book naming names without evidence. He seemed to accept that.
Then just today he came back to me. He had tried over the last few months to contact me, and I was so busy that he was not a priority. But today, I called him back. The conversation went along these lines:
“I’m sorry I haven’t replied to you earlier, but I have been very busy. But if it is something to do with writing your biography, it’s not something I’m interested in doing, thank you.”
“Well, it’s not to do with my biography. It’s on something different. Could we meet for lunch today?”
“I’m sorry, I’m really busy, that’s just not possible. If it’s a different job, maybe we could meet in the New Year.”
“You see, I’ve read your book. Some of it is very good…” (Ah, how well he knows how to woo an author’s ego.) “And I want someone who can write me a letter.”
“I see,” I said. “Go on.”
“I want to be able to put it into good English so that I can tell some people some home truths.”
“Ah, I’m sorry. But if you want to spread ill will in a world that is already full of it, please, don’t include me in it.”
“It’s nothing litigious. I just need a letter that will tell a few home truths to the people who did me wrong.”
“Look, I understand how unexpressed anger can make you feel a deep sense of grievance, and it can eat you up, but this is not something I’m interested in being part of.”
“No, you see, the head of the Salvation Army thought it was scandalous, the way I was treated…”
And so he pushed on. My real thought was, what did he hope to gain from this? If these people he was involved with are as hard-hearted as he says, a letter will do nothing. Indeed, it would quite easily start a cycle of anger that would just make things worse for him. The thing I’ve come to realise is there is no objective truth in these sorts of matters. Just motives and misunderstandings and self-preservation and exertions of power and ego. There is no higher court of appeal. The world is a bloody mess, and it’s only when events get momentous enough or criminal enough that an attempt at objectivity occurs. And that is usually woefully inadequate.
But how to explain that to this obessive man?
I have a three strike rule, and he had now had his three strikes. So, my tone hardened.
“Look,” I said. “I’ve tried to be polite to you, but that’s clearly not worked. I don’t want to be involved in your grievances and your grudges. Do you understand? I don’t want to get mixed up in your shit!”
There was silence for a moment. Then he said. “Yes.”
“Thank you. Goodbye!”
And there it is. Sometimes being polite just won’t cut it. I don’t know what it is with older people that won’t get the message, but I seem to encounter a lot of them. Remember. If you are asked to work for someone, be aware of whether you want the job. Don’t let them browbeat you. It’s your life after all.
As some of you may know, one of the things I try to do with writers is inspire them to get on and write, to support them when I can and to pass on the gift of encouragement and inspiration when I can. I was reminded earlier this week of times I have done that in the past – and I will always try to do it in the future.
One of the things that I’ve really found psychologically helpful is knowing that, actually, my home town has produced the most extraordinary writers over the years. It’s very easy, especially in a town like Portsmouth that on the surface can appear bleak and provincial to start thinking “No one from this town has really made it in writing”. To think so would be wrong, of course, but the psychological effect of such thinking is to hold you back. That’s why, sometimes you need to be reminded of the counter-examples.
It’s noted that before Roger Bannister broke the 4 minute mile, it was generally considered an impossibility that anyone would break that record. Afterwards, when the counter-example was given and the psychological boost had been given to runners, records tumbled in quick succession. A new threshold had been set. The paradigm for the possible had been altered.
A little while ago I was selling my books at a market stall, and someone pointed to my latest. With a sneer and a sarcastic grin they said: “To be honest, ‘Portsmouth A Literary And Pictorial Tour’, must be very small. It’s the literary part. Surely any book with ‘Literary’ and ‘Portsmouth’ in the title is going to be super thin.”
Of course, I set this person right, telling her about Conan Doyle, Dickens, H G Wells, Kipling, Jane Austen, Wodehouse, C J Sansom, Jonathan Meades, William Cowper, Olivia Manning, Jean Rhys, Neil Gaiman and numerous other major authors who had either grown up here, or had something to say about the town. It surprised her, I think. And it changed her beliefs.
I say it to you, too, as writers who sometimes may doubt their abilities or their purpose: Portsmouth has already produced four of the greatest writers of the Victorian era, produced some of the greats of the 20th Century and (I am sure) is poised to do more with the 21st. You can be part of that future history, too.
We all deserve to feel good about where we’re from, and we deserve to draw inspiration from success stories to feed us on our own journey. So I thought, in case you didn’t know about it, that I would let you know that’s part of why I wrote my book.
Portsmouth, A Literary and Pictorial Tour celebrates this island city’s rich and diverse literary heritage, but more than that, it asks you to imagine that perhaps one day, you will be in future editions.
In fact, some of you already are in this one, alongside those famous greats, some of whom I’ve named above. So, as Christmas and the New Year come along, I wish for all of you to have the success you deserve in the coming years and months.
Today, I compare the fall of Rome and the rise of what used to be called the Dark Ages, and what’s going on in Europe today, to see if there are parallels and if we can understand our modern age a little better by reference to this period of upheaval in our past.
First, I should outline where I see us, now. What the EU provides us, we take for granted, so much is it engrained in our modern world view. The great successes of the West in the last 70 years can be quickly listed. They are co-operation, peace and prosperity, achieved after great loss of life and crippling expense which led to enhanced cooperation through sharing resources and pooling national effort. The flowers of this cooperation are supranational organisations such as NATO, the UN and of course, the EU.
Recent revelations about interference in European and US elections and in the Brexit referendum are beginning to uncover the shadowy network of agitators and corrupt businessmen aided by Russia who see such institutions as their enemy. It is no coincidence that Trump has criticised each, alongside other voices of the far right, such as Farage, Banks, etc, who remain instinctively tribal in their world views.
How have so many in the West forgotten that these organisations, though far from perfect, have helped maintain peace? The answer in part is that the generation who fought in the last war has gone, and their children (many of my generation) conceitedly believe that war and division could not happen again. Ironically, they believe it because there has been peace thanks to the very structures they now criticise – those supranational cooperative bodies, such as the European Union. When you point this out, they don’t believe it.
As a result, over the last decade, we have seen the rise of the far right in the UK, interference in the Brexit vote, the election of Trump, the popularity of Orban in Hungary and agitators such as Geert Wilders and Beppo Grillo rise to prominence. There has even been a rise of the far right in Germany, one of the great defenders of pan-Europeanism. The danger is that such forces will fracture Western civilisation, turning it away from cooperation, and making it intolerant, inward-looking, xenophobic and protective of national interests over supranational ones. This desire for protection will make our country and those we are newly competing against rather than cooperating with, weaker. The winners will be big business and the mafiocracy in Russia.
With the death of those people who directly experienced the last great upheaval in Europe, the Second World War, history has been replaced by mythology. Instead of remembering that Britain relied on America, Russia and numerous European soldiers, agents and resistance fighters to prevail – all working together to ensure mutual survival – the post-War generation has grown up with the idea of British exceptionalism – a belief that somehow Britain doesn’t conform to and shouldn’t be constrained by international standards. In war, this little island wins against impossible odds (a false view, considering that Britain had the world’s largest Empire during this period), and it doesn’t have to follow the norms of peaceful international diplomacy. Much of this goes back to a pre-war view, when the Empire could “resolve” disputes with gunboats.
Whether this historical interpretation of Britain is realistic or not, in the modern world, the UK is not an exception. It is a country among countries of more or less equal standing.
Generation Brexit, however, is locked in the old paradigm of Empire. Many believe there was something benign about the British Empire. At the same time they accuse the EU of being an Empire, which they say is a bad thing in principle. None note any cognitive dissonance in these two views.
So we see the fracturing of the West, and the rise of new, localised power bases, some political, some business-related.
Is there a precedent in history?
I have lately been drawn to study parallels in the Early Middle Ages after the collapse of Rome. This period used to be called the Dark Ages, and though it is now deeply unfashionable as a term, it is perhaps accurate to use it when we talk about parallels with the modern day.
I should add that I am not by any means defending the principle of Empire here, nor am I directly comparing the EU with the Roman Empire, except on the broadest terms, that there was a pan-European administration in place during its existence.
As the Roman Empire came under stress from marauders from the 3rd Cenury on, its finely honed administrative structures adjusted to the new reality. Central control was lost. Yet the administrators continued on. These administrators comprised a cadre of selected officials who held the Roman Empire together. The Comes Palatinus was one such type of civil servant, who looked for some form of political continuity.
In the course of the various waves of invasion by successive tribes who broke the communication lines to and power of Rome, the Comes devolved from a selected regional administrator answerable to Rome to become a type of self-governing landed gentry appointed by the local king.
Meanwhile, the federates and buccellari who worked on the land were drawn to their local Comes for security in the face of so much upheaval. The estate of the Comes became the localised centre of power. In order to enjoy the protection of the Comes, the workers ceded their rights in the name of security, working essentially as slaves tied to a local magnate. The federates were former soldiers in the Roman Imperial Army who had claimed land in retirement, and also offered military service to the Comes. Thus a new and specific power relationship arose in Europe which will be familiar to us today, since this was the start of the European aristocracy.
The French word for Comes is Comte, meaning Count. These newly-created counts now began to bequeath their estates to their children, and so the hereditary principle saw powerful aristocratic families ruling over a serfdom. All this came from the collapse of centralised power.
For centuries the counts sat alongside the newly-arrived Gothic, Visigothic, Vandal, Frankish and other kings, who took on the original Comes to continue regional administration after they seized power. Even as late as the 11th Century, there were aristocrats in Europe who claimed descent from Roman Senators of the Sixth Century CE. Thanks to the hereditary principle, their families were ensconced in local centres of power across Europe, styling themselves as Princes, petty kings, Barons and other such titles, alongside their barbarian overlords.
In all of this grabbing of power during upheaval, the common man suffered. Feudalism was born – a strict suppression of the labouring classes and a creation of a rigid, insurmountable hierarchy designed to make the rich richer at the expense of the poor.
So, are there parallels to be drawn with what’s happening in the modern world?
Some, yes. If Europe falls into disarray, expect corporations to create new centres of influence and power. Just as the Comes class claimed areas of Europe that became their personal fiefdoms when central power was weakened, big business will pick off aspects of the State. Businesses are already interfering in democracy, hollowing it out to make it a plaything that they can direct. Expect petty local politicians no longer constrained by international treaties to create local laws to suit the needs of business rather than the people. In the UK, this will see the feeding of the NHS to big business, the privatising of other State assets, the lowering of standards of health and food-related legislation, and the reduction of workers’ rights, in the name of competitiveness.
At the same time, we are seeing the rise of the super-wealthy in politics, some of whom pretend to be on the side of the common man. Take, for example, Jacob Rees-Mogg, not a billionaire, but a multi-millionaire. He has no interest in the plight of the poor and dispossessed, but he does have an interest in being popular. His trademark appearance of a very polite comedy 1930s SS officer hides a truth we all can see. This man chimes with Generation Brexit’s desire to drag us back to a time we have nostalgised into a beautiful dream when “we” ruled the world.
On the other side of the Atlantic, Trump espouses the rights of the common man, because democracy is a numbers game and he calculates that the common man is the most numerous. He has no interest in the poor, the weak or the dispossessed, but more in those who are aggressively jealous that their little patch of America will somehow be threatened by people less well off – which is largely a spurious fear.
In both cases, and in numerous other populist politicians, their appeal is that they protect the livelihoods and lives of “ordinary people”, a phrase that immediately creates an identifiable group to defend. Thus they gather their modern workers to their sides, who in their fear at the supposed upheaval around them (much of which has been created by the far right) can’t see that their own rights will be eroded and their lives materially impoverished by their leaders’ policies. Their future will be yet more enslavement to capitalist systems, with, for example, the lowering of food standards in the UK to a US level and the predation of US companies on the NHS. Neither of the men named above, Rees-Mogg and Trump (and there are plenty more) are representative of the interests of anyone other than the privileged, the wealthy and big business. Yet, the frightened people flock to them and their message. Each is indeed a new Comes.
Billionaires and their propagandists are also the new invaders and marauders of democracy. The representatives of big business, the super-wealthy, are the new aristocracy that will suborn the current administrative systems to their agenda. Big business has no interest in the common good or in rights, except insofar as they are lucrative. It instead seeks to create new power bases within countries, to hive off services formerly provided by governments and to reduce rights to enhance personal profit. This is why they seek to destroy supranational entities such as the EU, because larger cooperative entities are harder to control.
The great irony is that many critics of the EU talk about the supposed New World Order, when they are in fact enabling billionaires intent on wresting control from legitimate governments.
This is the world we can look forward to if we are not careful. We are in danger of entering a new Dark Age – one of Feudal Capitalism in which workers’ rights are stripped from them and business seeks to maximise profit at the expense of the most vulnerable, while central government is either suborned or powerless. It is in many ways analogous to the decline of structures across Europe in the 4th Century. This weakening and fracturing of the West is exactly what Russia wants, and this is why it has been helping to unleash the heightened passions of nationalism and xenophobia to sweep across Europe like waves of savage tribes, destabilising all in their paths.
That is the direction we are heading in, if Brexit and the rule of the far right are allowed to continue.
Can we do anything to stop it? Perhaps. To speak truth and resist wherever we can. That is a start. To do nothing is to resign ourselves to the New Dark Ages.
Brexit has many historical precedents, all of them bloody, writes Matt Wingett.
When royal wannabe Harold Godwinson was blown off course and shipwrecked on the coast of Northern France, that disaster was bad for him, but very good for William the Bastard, who had already set his French Norman heart on the English throne. Because, what with furniture delivery services being in their infancy, and there being no customs union, how else could William get hold of the prized English throne, if not by invasion?
William needed a pretext. Being called the Bastard, he lived up to his name by tricking Harold into swearing loyalty to him. What’s worse, he did it while Harold unwittingly had his hands on a reliquary fully of bits of saints, so he definitely had to deliver. At least that’s how the Bayeux tapestry spins it. Which meant, when some years later Harold pronounced himself King Harold after the death of Edward the Confessor, William the Bastard had a reason to invade.
The point is, William the Bastard was devious, and knew how to use disruption for his advantage. 333 years of oppression by Norman and Plantagenet aristocracy would follow in England.
When the king formerly known as William the Bastard died in 1087, (a focus group having decided “The Conqueror” was a better brand), the tradition of The Winchester Gallop began. William Rufus made a dash from Rouen to the treasury at Winchester, determined to be declared King before anyone else took the gold – and succeeded in becoming William II.
Rufus was meant to be king. Imagine how much more important that gallop was for anyone who might face a counter-claim. Thus successive Bishops at Winchester shot eyes to the ceiling at the death of another monarch and waited for the clatter of cavalry in the courtyard. Because, with possession being nine tenths of the law, whoever held the country’s money held the crown. And who was a mere bishop to gainsay the intention of 20 titled thugs in armour waving swords, after all?
When William Rufus promptly died during a hunting “accident” at which his brother Richard just happened to be present in the New Forest (at a spot known as Rufus Stone, quelle coïncidence!) it was Richard’s turn to gallop northward and grab the gold and the power.
Other gallopers included the Empress Matilda, who had been left control of the country by dead daddy Henry I, but who was beaten to the gold by interloper King Stephen. This contretemps led to The Anarchy, which deadlocked the country in civil war for nearly two decades. Something that in the current state of Brexit play, with divisions all over the the UK, seems quite possible again.
A few hundred years later, London replaced Winchester as the centre of power, and so the Winchester Gallop was no more – but the seizing of opportunities caused by disruption remained.
Just so, when one June Wednesday in 1381, an army of 50,000 peasants parked themselves outside London waiting for the king to take up their cause against cruel landowners. As if the king wasn’t the biggest, cruellest landowner of all. (That’s how Royal propaganda works.)
King Richard II, a lad of 14 years, whose army had refused to fight the massive army of peasants, went out to treat with the peasant leader, proto-socialist Wat Tyler. Wat, not being well-versed in matters of courtly behaviour spoke to the king on equal terms, for which insult, one of Richard’s knights took a slice off him. With Wat unexpectedly dead on the ground and the peasant army just a few hundred yards away, Richard did the opposite to what most sane people would have done, and spurred his horse alone toward the peasant army, shouting to them “You shall have no captain but me.”
It worked. By the time the peasants had realised they’d been had, an army had at last been mustered from London to meet them. The ringleaders were arrested and in the usual way, many of the poorest and most idealistic died horribly in the aftermath.
This fake “man of the people” soon showed his hand. “You wretches, detestable on land and sea; you who seek equality with lords are unworthy to live. Give this message to your colleagues: rustics you were, rustics you are still. You will remain in bondage, not as before, but incomparably harsher. For as long as you live we will strive to suppress you, and your misery will be an example in the eyes of posterity. However, we will spare your lives if you remain faithful and loyal. Choose now which course you want to follow.”
So, what’s the lesson from these moments in history? For certain self-serving individuals, moments of disruption lead to opportunity. Caught up in all the noise, and either fooled by leaders to fight on their behalf, or tricked into believing them, it’s the common man who gets screwed, suffering from the ambition, egos and maniacal thirst for power of the ruthless who are quite happy to tip the country into a tail-spin for their own gain.
The rule is, when disruption occurs, psychos win.
Sound familiar? Because that’s exactly what’s going on with Brexit. The ringleaders of Brexit all personally having plenty of money, know they have nothing to lose, but thanks to the disruption that continues to swirl around Brexit, each has plenty to gain.
The language of disruption and conquest isn’t even hidden by Brexiters. Daniel Hannan, the modernday wild-eyed prophet of Brexit, proclaims Britain should be a “buccaneering” country. If ever there were a motif of redtoothed rapaciousness and theft, it is the buccaneer – a state-sponsored pirate. Mr Hannan would like to fit masts to the island of Britain, sail down to China, pound it from the shoreline and burn down the odd village or two like we did in the Opium Wars, another period of state-enabled jolly-rogering of other nations. Sure, it was post-buccaneer, but back then Britain could make up the rules without reference to anyone else, and did so at every opportunity.
Jacob Rees-Mogg is another disrupter in the same vein. The disruption he seeks is in the financial markets, and the money he will make comes from hedge funds. Disruption = massive market movements, and in the wake of all that turbulence, Moggy just needs to gallop on his field hunter to the nearest internet hotspot to check his burgeoning treasury. There are even some sycophants calling for him to be PM and willing to back it up with violence. Not quite as glitzy as the chainmail look of former thugs, but you get the gist.
This extract from Jacob Rees Mogg’s twitter feed shows how sections of the country are keen to enable his power grab.
For Boris Johnson, the prize was always coronation. The disruption and strife that he exacerbated within the Tories he also still hopes to “solve” by being crowned PM. Think the same of Gove and numerous other Brexiteer Tories, too numerous to name. Our pain is their gain.
“Bad Boy of Brexit” Arron Banks is now sounding increasingly desperate on twitter to distract attention from growing interest in his alleged Russian-funded shenanigans by attacking the latest White Paper to come out of Chequers. Little did he realise that the chutzpah displayed in calling himself the “Bad Boy of Brexit”, might soon be hubristically translated to alleged “Lawbreaker of Leave”.
Then, of course, there’s Nigel Farage, whom I imagine one day in his youth saw the letters “N.F.” sprayed on a wall next to a swastika and took that as an omen. What gains are there for him?
Of all of them, Nigel is the most obvious. After the rigged referendum result was announced, Trump was soon calling for Nige to be made ambassador to the US. Disruption. Trump lobs a twitter-bomb, scares the markets, then while everyone is in disarray, sends in the tanks.
Of course, Trump’s blitzkrieg tactic didn’t stand a chance at the time, but it was a jab, a softening-up blow that cracked the surface and allowed a seed to be planted. Soon, other calls for Farage to be knighted followed – as did his faux outrage at not being so honoured when he knew there was no chance.
This posturing has a purpose – to create a narrative of grievance that at some point Nige will want to use while orchestrating the latest outcry. That may come soon. The EU has already said it won’t divide the Four Pillars of freedom in the EU. Yet this is what May’s White Paper wants. Very soon, May could be facing all-out revolt again*, or a collapse in her shaky government.
And in all that disruption? Watch out. The Winchester Gallop is alive and well, and Mogg, Banks, Gove, Johnson, Farage et al are saddling up.
*Since writing this piece, David Davis has resigned. Watch this space.
Ah. There goes Boris, like a great sulking parody of a colonial Viceroy, but with hair instead of feathers.
Further update, August 2019. Well, Boris Johnson is now PM, him having made the Winchester Gallop before all other successors, and the jester king is now threatening to wreck the economy for his own aggrandisement. Once again, he will not loose out. But the peasants he so royally promises to destroy adore him. Funny old world, eh?
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