NLP and Hypnosis – What I Do With It And What I Don’t

Someone gave me quite a challenge a few days ago:

“Matt, I bet you couldn’t hypnotise me.”

They were responding to news that I do a bit of hypnotherapy and a bit of NLP – and it was clearly a big deal for them.

My big question, I guess, is Even if I could, why would I want to try to hypnotise you against your will?

I do hypnotherapy – which means that people come to my office asking me to help them. It would be the height of stupidity on their part to pay a sizeable fee to me – and then refuse to be helped. I’m a therapist. I’m not Svengali and not Derren Brown, either.

It’s quite fascinating really. I don’t get people to “do” stuff that they wouldn’t do. The  NLP I’ve learned helps me find more quickly the common ground between myself and the person I speak with, and show them possibilities that might appeal to them, and help us both have a more fruitful life on the way.

I learned NLP partially because I was quite a nervy person myself and rather poor at chatting with others without letting the nerves get in the way. NLP gave me a framework within which to chat with others without letting my nerves rule my mouth!

I make jokes with friends about using “sneaky NLP tricks” from time to time, and it’s something I really should stop. Actually I don’t do sneaky and I don’t use tricks.

I just make sure that I use ways of talking that keep the mood “up” and the direction of the conversation heading where it’s good for them and good for me. After all, it’s so easy to get sidetracked in negative stuff that takes you away from what you want in life. I know that because I’m a past master at it!

For example, I used to be a really “down” sort of person. I had no idea that talking about all my woes and troubles would make people want to avoid talking with me. Nor did I “get” that those cynical little asides that I thought were funny when I was younger could actually offend people. That was way back in my 20s, and I’ve worked a lot on changing that.

NLP has been a part of that work – just to get me to think about changing my communication in order to get more positive responses.  Maturing has been a part of it, too.

I still get it wrong from time to time, and I do get stressed occasionally – but boy – from where I was before, it is a big difference, no doubt about it.

Another example: some friends of mine were recently interviewed on a radio for a show they were performing in. When asked how tickets sales were, a week before the show, they replied: “There are still about half the tickets left.”

Well, it was true. But the tickets were also selling well enough. So, just tweaking that answer and saying: “Ticket sales are going well though there are some left” changes the perception of the event. In the former case, people may well think: Oh, it’s not so popular, so why should I go? whereas the latter equally true statement may get people thinking: Oh, I don’t want to miss out, if so many others are going!

NLP is great for simple stuff like that. Like saying a glass is half full, rather than half empty. Both are true, but one emphasises what is to come, the other emphasises what is missing.

Getting the “mood music” right, when it comes down to it, is not magic, it’s just being more polite and aware of others.

As for negotiating with people by putting them in a trance like I do with clients who come to me specifically when they want to be hypnotised – well, it doesn’t work like that. We talk and we find common ground and identify the good stuff between us.

It sounds like common sense, but I used to be terrible at it!

Keeping the interplay “up” – that’s what I’ve learned from hypnosis and NLP.  I guess I could have learned the same from just watching really good businessmen do what they do.

I hope I can do it, too.  At least more often than I used to. Because it’s true to say that even these days I get it wrong. But I think I strike the right note more often than not! And for that, I am grateful to my NLP and hypnosis training, that’s one thing for sure!

“In The Mood” – The Experience

The Poster for In The Mood
The Poster for In The Mood

Well, the show “In The Mood” that was held on Friday 18th May has been and gone.  And the truth is, it was fantastic!

I look back on the achievement of The Three Belles and I think that what they did is extraordinary. To hire the Guildhall, fill it with around 500 people, organise a cast,  do the sound, a big band, dancing lessons, decorations, programmes and so much more was really something – but to be only a year out from their degree! The world is at their feet…

It was also fascinating to see them the night before the show. They were stressed. Boy. Each said they were afraid. But the fact is that they just faced this major pressure, and won through to the other side.

I confess I was stressed, too. Although I overcame my writer’s block years ago, I never addressed the fear I had of acting, which had been with me since my student days. I don’t know where that fear came from – it just happened one day, while I was doing rehearsals for a stage play.  I never acted again after that until this show.   27 years.

I had a feeling that being in the show would teach me so much and be good for me. So, while The Three Belles had every right to be stressed, so was I. I felt it in my body as the day got nearer, until I could hardly eat.  I used to lie awake at night staring at the ceiling, and my lovely girl, Jackie, noticed that I seemed quite cold and off.

How stupid I am!

Then, the morning of the day before the show, I couldn’t take it any more, and I did a series of NLP mental exercises. They worked, and the tension reduced from then on. Quite strange that I didn’t think to do it before!

At the show, there were cast members who were also stressing, and I helped them with a little NLP pep talk.

Then the show came.  I really can’t fault this.  I played my small part well enough and really enjoyed the acting. It was a change for me. A big change – and I came away from it ecstatic.

When I think back on it, it’s clear that part of the appeal is that the night provides a dream of glamour and heroism all at once. “In The Mood” doesn’t quite fit into anything I’ve experienced before. It’s not a gig, exactly. It’s not a dance.  It’s an experience. A 1940s experience.  I believe The Three Belles have really got something with this. Something that really captures the moment we are in and does something good with it, ironically, by sending us back in time.

I’d say to you now, you should experience “In The Mood” with The Three Belles, wherever you are, at least once in your life!

Find out more about The Three Belles, here: www.thethreebelles.com

In The Mood – two more sleeps to go…

The last few months have been rather humbling for me. At the rehearsals for The Three Belles “In The Mood” I have been surrounded by people with so much amazing talent that, to be honest, I’ve been quite gobsmacked.

The Three Belles themselves are extraordinary enough. Smart, funny, pretty – damn it, they have everything and I am so sure that they will go far. How could they not, with the talent they have!?

Let’s look at the cast, too. The beautiful Cathleen (Emily Jane Buck) I first saw guesting in last year’s In The Mood at The Guildhall. She was really impressive. I also saw her playing Rosalind in Die Fledermaus. The thing that I noticed about her on stage was the way she acted and sang with such amazing confidence – and brilliance.

From left to right: Emily Jane Buck, Murray Grindon, Sarah Fothersgill and Tamzin Cormican

Then there’s Lieutenant Jo Maloney, played by Murray Grindon. Murray is a goodlooking charming young man who has the most marvellous, soft American accent. He plays his part with good humour and subtlety, and I have grown to like him a lot.

I first noticed Audrey, played by Sophie Clark, at Die Fledermaus, too.  Some prize comedy singing from her really made the night work – and her slightly nervous character Audrey will make her singing debut at In The Mood. Great voice, and a natural.

There are so many more to watch out for. But I only have a little space here, and I am writing a blog, not a novel. So for now I will mention one more: Tom Cross. Naturally funny, smart, silly and loveable, he’s your man when it comes to compering the show.

It’s going to be a great night at In The Mood on the 18th! You can get your ticket here! Enjoy.

Why I am not left wing…

I was about to write a self-important essay about my political beliefs and why I am not a writer who is left wing.  I’ve been surrounded by a lot of well-intentioned left-wing writers lately, and I confess to getting a little depressed by the left-wing approach to the world – about as much as I do with right wingers.  Then a friend of mine, Amelia Clark, popped up on facebook with the following. It just about sums up my approach to life.

“We are people first – all political religious psychobabble stuff should come second. Why are we constantly forced to try and define ourselves (and asked to fit into neat little boxes)? Creativity should be entertaining and fun and a diversion FROM much of the stuff we have to combat the rest of the time. Why is FUN such a devalued concept? Fun should be taken seriously. I shall write a long diatribe about this immediately. Full of ten dollar words. It bothers me that to be taken seriously in this life you have to ally yourself with a cause, a stand, a political direction etc I would rather spread joy, mirth and love to my fellow able or disabled, gay, straight or otherwise, inc all ethnic minorities man/woman/child. <goes out to buy rubber chicken>”

That’s about it really.  The truth is, deep down, I’m shallow.

The Three Belles Star In We’ll Meet Again now available in Blackwell’s, Portsmouth

So, this is a big day for me. 4 years and 1 day after I was hypnotised back into writing by Paul McKenna, I finally have a printed book in a bookshop.

Here is me, looking suitably proud of The Three Belles Star in “We’ll Meet Again”.  It’s a funny old world, and I am glad to say that I am over my writer’s block.

Want  a copy of this Portsmouth Story? Just pootle along and get it, or order it here:  http://www.lifeisamazing.co.uk/order-hard-copy-of-the-three-belles-book/

The Three Belles Star In We'll Meet Again at Blackwell's Bookshop
It's happened at last!

Dance, My Pretty Maid

I wrote this one when I was a kid. I fell in love with someone I shouldn’t have, and was completely besotted. The romance went nowhere, but this song I have sung in pubs all over the country. I hope you like it. (This was recorded years ago when I had a cold, so sorry for the shaky voice!)

[haiku url=”http://www.lifeisamazing.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/Dance-My-Pretty-Maid.mp3″ title=”Dance My Pretty Maid”]

How Southsea Made Me – By Sherlock Holmes, Consulting Detective

Holmes And WatsonWatson, there is no doubt that the elements for Conan Doyle’s greatest creation can be found in his account of his life in Southsea. A scientific character study performed on the great man from the moment he set foot in Portsmouth, reveals distinct elements in his personality – elements that combine with the accidents of everyday life in this town to lead Conan Doyle to create something extraordinary. And when I say “something extraordinary”, I mean, of course, me.

Consider the circumstances on that fine day in June 1882 in which he stepped off the Irish steamer from Plymouth on to Clarence Pier, and surveyed the busy scene around him. There is no doubt he was a young, bull-headed gentleman of most definite principle. He had thrown over his previous post as a physician in Plymouth because of differences of opinion with Dr Budd, his partner in the surgery. He considered Dr Budd to be a scoundrel who tricked his patients into paying for massive prescriptions. He would have nothing to do with him – and it was his independence of mind that brought him to our city, and to that bustling beach at the west end of  Southsea’s waterfront.

A Study In Scarlet by Arthur Conan Doyle

When he arrived, he had only 10 pounds in his pocket but great resources in his mind and in his body.

Now Watson, what can we deduce from his first actions in the island city? Let me elucidate them for you. He left his luggage at the pier, caught a tram into Old Portsmouth and found himself temporary lodgings in the poorer part of the city – driving down the price for the week from 13 shillings to 10 and sixpence.  And what do we make of the fact that he then walked back to the pier and paid a porter to walk his luggage back to his new digs?

The answer is simple, Watson! He was not wealthy. Using a porter rather than a taxi saved him fourpence. What we see here is a young man willing to use his initiative, tight for money and keen to make the most out of the opportunities the city would afford.


Holmes And BaritsuOnce installed, Dr Conan Doyle notes in his “Stark Munro Letters” that he went out to hear a band playing in a park, and happened upon a man beating his wife in the streets. His sense of justice is revealed by the fact that he stepped in, to prevent the man attacking his wife further, and became embroiled in a street brawl with the gentleman. Notice, too, just like me, that Dr Conan Doyle was physically unafraid – and was also an accomplished boxer. Notice, however, that unlike me, he was not a bare knuckle fighter, nor an exponent of the Japanese art of Baritsu.

How well he might have fared against this fellow is a matter of conjecture, since a wild punch thrown by his opponent landed on a passing sailor, who stepped in and took over from the good Doctor. One could almost imagine, Watson, that in this department, my prowess with my fists is an amplification of his own abilities with boxing.

Benedict Cumberbatch as Sherlock HolmesSo, now we build a profile of the man. He has spirit. He has nerve. He has morals, scruples and initiative. These, I suggest to you, are excellent qualities to get on in life.

Next, we come to his practical cast of mind. The following day, Conan Doyle purchased a map of the city and began to bisect it with lines that would be the most efficient means of walking the entire length and breadth of the city.

Note, Watson, that there was a very particular reason for this. He was a doctor, Holmes In Silhouettejust as you are. But because doctors were not allowed to advertise, there was no way he could find out where his rivals were located without acquainting himself with the city personally.

He could also discover which parts of the city would be good for business, which roads to avoid and which properties were empty.

Note, too, how Conan Doyle found a residence at No 1 Bush Villas, on Elm Grove, Southsea. It served the wealthier clients of Castle Road, as well as the artisan properties to the north of Elm Grove. It provided a varied social milieu, and just as I do, it meant that the Doctor mixed with all classes.

Sherlock Holmes The SleuthThen there are the dramatic and the macabre elements in Conan Doyle’s arrival in Southsea. When he first became the tenant of Bush Villas, Conan Doyle was faced immediately with a bizarre scene in the cellar of his new dwelling. Piles of human jawbones – yes Watson! – human jawbones were stacked in the semi-darkness! It was a scene worthy of one of his own entertainments. But Conan Doyle soon solved the mystery. The previous incumbent was a dentist, and he had left his casts behind on absenting the property.

Dr Conan Doyle’s time in Southsea was similar to my own life in other ways. For example, he used a pseudonym at times, just as I have been known to do. When he played football, as the goalkeeper for Portsmouth Amateur Football Club, he went under the name of “A C Smith”, lest it became known that a gentleman was playing a game more commonly associated with the lower classes.

He was also one for turning fortune in his favour and for quick thinking. An accident in the road outside his struggling practice he quickly attended. He checked over the gentleman who had fallen from his horse and sent him on his way. After which he sent in a report of the accident and his heroic intervention to The Evening News, thus securing him free advertising, which he was otherwise prevented from doing, as an MD.

A Classy HolmesHe mixed with the higher stratas of society at the Cricket Club and  Bowling Club, and became friends with The Lord Mayor of Portsmouth. And it might well be that he read an article in the Evening News involving an investigation being run by a Chief Inspector Sherlock. How much, indeed, Portsmouth gave to the young Dr Conan Doyle!

So, Doctor Watson, do you see now how the elements of his life in Portsmouth combined together to make me who I am? And can you see how, if he had come to a different city, I might well have been quite a different fellow?

Or would I?

An interesting  conundrum, Dr Watson, and most definitely a three pipe problem!